


now i'm just numb (i don't feel a thing)

by spangel



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Depression, F/F, Femslash February, Mentions of Spike/Buffy Summers, Season/Series 06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 03:01:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3274235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spangel/pseuds/spangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tara is the only good in this harsh world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	now i'm just numb (i don't feel a thing)

**Author's Note:**

> So I don't really know what's going on in this fic.... like, at all, but feedback is very greatly appreciated!! Thank you and sorry for the mess.

i.

 

Tara's hair is browndarklight and she is the only thing in your darkness, she is the light at the end of the tunnel, she is your ground and your constant, always there, always waiting for you. She is there for you on the days that Spike is too much for you to handle - Tara is gentle, kind, and Spike is rough, and you choose Tara every time. She knows it's nothing, she calls you things like _honey_ and _sweetie_ and _darling,_ and you don't deserve it. _  
_

Every time, you say, _it's nothing, this can never happen again,_ but it happens again, and again, and again, and Tara is too good for you, Tara is the only good in this harsh world.

 

ii.

 

Tara's skin is soft and her kisses are softer, and you think that, by now, she should know every single inch of your body like a decaying map inside her mind. You're watching your body from the outside, you're watching your arms move and your legs tighten and that's not _you._ Buffy Summers is not you. You are Tara Maclay, you are Spike, you are the people that you turn to when you can't see or hear or touch, Buffy Summers is gone. _  
_

Almost gone.

 

There is still a hint of you left in Tara. A drop of Buffy Summers in the places that were once stitched up perfectly but were pulled apart by the Earth's core.

 

iii.

 

You keep your eyes on the ground and your fingers tight around your wrists, always checking your pulse to make sure it's still beating and always filling yourself up with sadness when you realize that it is.

 

Tara, as always, is the one who reminds you that it's okay. It's okay to breathe, she says, in, out, in, out, in, out. _Sometimes, it's okay to cry,_ she (the light, your light) whispers, into your hair, into your soul - (she reminds you, also, that you still have one).

 

"Stay with me?" You ask.

 

"Of course," she always says. _Of course._ _  
_


End file.
